I’ll never forget the time I drove home from the optometrist, crying and running to my at-that- time- boyfriend’s arms on the couch, telling him that I will never be able to take a photo again and that I’ll never have those perfect wedding photos because my eyes couldn’t stay straight. This sounds incredibly vain, but that was my first thought. Keeping’ it real! But there was so much more to this. I discovered that I really did have an eye problem and this was the first optometrist to actually address it and help me find a way to fix this. So let me back up a little and give you a bit of a backstory…. and I decided to keep this very real and raw, so there are no filters, pre-sets or anything on my photos.
I started a new job (my first real job after convocating from Uni) in 2012. I spent countless hours at the computer and did a lot of data work. Over the many years, I started having a hard time with my eyes. I found that they were tired, I would get headaches, my shoulders and neck would hurt and I used one eye to do my data work because I found that I could see better and that my accuracy was better. But I was tired. I was in a wedding in 2015, where I was a bridesmaid. This is where I knew something was wrong. Every time that I was asked to take a photo, I would blink, I thought it was the sun, but that also didn’t make a lot of sense when the sun wasn’t in my eyes. So poor bride, my eyes are closed in probably 95% of her photos. As the years on, this got worse. I struggled to keep my eyes focused to take a photo, to look ahead, I hated long distance driving because it hurt my neck. So I did a bit of research… I asked people who is the best optometrist in Saskatoon, as the one I was seeing did not provide me with any kind of solution, diagnosis or I’m not even sure he knew what he was doing with my concerns. I was given a name from my sister in law and decided to try this new optometrist out.
I remember when I went to the optometrist, (her name is Dr. Kerry Bishop,) I found her to be very knowledgeable, friendly, great sense of humour, and most of all very attentive and understanding. I explained to her my issues to the best knowledge I could (as I, myself wasn’t really sure what my problem was at that time) but that I knew that I did have a problem. I remember her making my eyes look through the prism lenses and wowza- not so fun. She put the prism glasses away and said to me that there is not enough prism to fix my eyes. What the hell did that mean? No glasses can help me out? She explained to me that my right eye is “lazy” but that I compensate. Normally when you have a lazy eye, it turns in and can sometimes stay there. But all these years, I have been compensating and I only notice double vision when I was tired. So to give you a better idea of what my eye did- it would turn in (looks crossed eyed but only ONE eye) and then I could bounce back to normal when I noticed it. It was intermittent. Basically the outside muscles of the eye were “weak.” She explained to me that I had two options; 1. surgery (operative treatment) or 2. Vision Therapy (conservative treatment). At that time, surgery sounded awful. She couldn’t guarantee that surgery would fix my problem. I was told that I had a very “unique” case which she has never seen before. Because my eye wasn’t permanently turned in and because I never saw double vision all the time, it wasn’t a black and white type of case.
I decided that I would pursue the initial assessment with the Opthalmalogist Surgeon and see what she had to say but that I wanted to try conservative treatment first before committing to any kind of surgery. I met with the eye surgeon, Dr. S. Rubab and I was put through a few hours of different tests. My eye was so sore afterwards. She told me the same thing as the optometrist, that surgery was my best option however she can’t guarantee it’ll fix things as I am a very unique case. The surgery she proposed is called Strabismus Surgery. She also informed me that the waitlist for surgery was 14 months. I put my name on the list, with the idea that I would have solved this problem with visual therapy. I started visual therapy December 21, 2017 (well that was my initial assessment). My insurance didn’t cover this and this was an out of pocket expense, so I had to be very dedicated and committed if I am putting all this money into it. I also wanted a second opinion with a different surgeon- just because this is MY decision and I wanted to ensure that I am making the BEST decision I can. I flew out to Calgary on January 31, 2018 and saw Dr. Skov. She was this frail old lady that I wasn’t really sure I was going to get the answers I wanted. After the same types of testing she did as Dr. Rubab, Dr. Skov gave me the same response. She told me that I need surgery, but again can’t guarantee it’ll work given my unique case (THREE people told me I had a unique case which made this even more frustrating because all I wanted to hear was a success story.) My best friend came with me to this appointment and couldn’t believe how much I compensated. She was shocked after all these years she had known me. She is also an RN and has a vast knowledge in the surgery world and highly recommended that I don’t rule out the surgery but to try to the conservative management and if it didn’t improve, then consider the surgery. I respected her opinion and thought it was a good idea. Also had a blast being in Calgary for 48 hours (next blog!)
So after my two surgeon appointments, I was placed on both waitlists, Calgary had a shorter wait time- but wasn’t sure how that worked with my SK insurance. And by shorter, they could book me in in three months time. (I was no where near ready for that…) I was in visual therapy. I went once every two weeks or bi-monthly (I had to ensure I could afford this and promised myself I would be diligent at home). I was given exercises that I needed to do every day. I was really dedicated in the beginning. I would do them every night, I brought them to work to do on my breaks and I was very hopeful this was going to fix things. But with this also came frustration, disappointment, anger and sadness. I couldn’t do the exercises. My eyes just couldn’t work together. Some days were better than others and some days I felt like it was failure. I kept trying though. I won’t get into a lot of detail into these exercises as they are quite boring and you need to be able to see what I am doing, so if you want more info on this let me know!
I spent a full year doing visual therapy. $950.00 later. (that ain’t cheap!) And to keep things short and sweet- I will be 100% honest, no sugar coating… I did’n’t feel like much had changed. In fact, the last few months I teetered off as I was feeling so defeated and hopeless. {{Please keep in mind this is my opinion, on my eyes- my eye was, let’s call it “too far gone” so the conservative management just wasn’t enough to change anything. Maybe for someone else, this may work out.}} In January 2019, I decided to take the month of from visual therapy as I wasn’t interested in pursuing it anymore and I felt very down after trying hard and not getting the slightest progress. I booked in with my optometrist, Dr. Bishop on February 13, 2019 and the Visual Therapist (VT) that day to make a decision and decide on a new journey. I spoke with Dr. Bishop for probably a good 45 minutes. I cried. I told her that I tried the VT and nothing was proven successful, she also looked at the results and felt the same way. She said the best and only solution for me now is surgery. I asked if there was ANYONE else out that that has had this surgery? She said she had one girl, but she didn’t have a case like mine, hers was more black and white. She told me that she honestly believed that this could be a game changer for me if it worked and thought I should try it. She told me that I had nothing to really lose. Which she was right. She advised that I see Dr. Rubab and ask more questions.
So I called the office of Dr. Rubab and asked for an appointment for a consult. The receptionist said she could get me in in March. Greaaaaat. One day, when I went to teach pilates, I received a call from Dr. Rubab’s office. They told me that they had a cancellation- for surgery and asked if I could come in the following week. My heart stopped as I didn’t ask for a surgery date that soon, but rather a consult. I declined and asked if I could get in with a consult sooner which she found a spot for me. When I went to the consult, I took my brother this time. (I felt he was my voice of reason. And if anyone can convince me to do something, it is him). I made a list of all the questions I needed answered.
This appointment with Dr. Rubab felt very different. She seemed different to me. Maybe it was me, and that I changed my viewing, and decided this was my only bit of hope I had left. Who knows. The thing that stuck with me was the guarantee part. She could not guarantee the answers to my questions. However, she assured me that there is a 70% success rate (which is high but it’s not 100%) and that if I fell in the 30% failure (okay maybe it’s not failure but not success either) that I would qualify for a second surgery, where the chances are higher to have a better success rate. That was kind of reassuring but also- who wants a second surgery? There was also the dreaded consequence of, if they cut to much of my eye muscles from my right eye, then they’d have to go in on the left eye and fix that eye as well to make sure they were both balanced. She also had mentioned to me that there was a possibility that my vision could be doubled. After I left this appointment, I talked this over with my brother and he was so confident that I needed to do this. He believed in it more than I did and I decided to go through with it. I think it was a week later, I received the call for a date. April 5, 2019.
I had about a month to prepare myself- which wasn’t much. I had started a new role in my career, so I was still in the “learning phase” and wanted to get my work all caught up before being off. I wanted to stay as healthy as possible. I wanted to see my friends and just do things to keep my mind busy.
April 4, 2019- the day prior to surgery, my best friend, Kristyn came to help out. She is that RN I mentioned earlier, so it’s like having a personal nurse as your bestie. Ha! But seriously, it is SO much nicer having the comfort of your family with you.
April 5, 2019- doomsday- JK… I actually was more excited the day of. I felt like I ready for this and I was calm with my bestie and Colin by my side. We checked into the hospital, had some good laughs together and then met with the surgeon, Dr. Rubab, the anesthesiologist and the resident doctor who referred to himself as “the baby doctor”- he made me laugh! Honestly, having a good team of docs makes the surgery less scary. They assured me of everything and even drew the “R” over top of the right eye to make sure they do the correct eye. Oh man could you imagine? No, let’s not.
A little snap chat filter before surgery. 
Dem 
You cry tears of blood afterwards. 
Nurse Kristyn doing her job. 
This is the eye RIGHT after surgery. (not a legit tattoo)
I can honestly say it was the best hospital experience I had (other than my jaw surgery.) Even the anesthesiologist was great, he did the IV with no problems. And then next thing you know, I was saying goodbye to my squad and getting wheeled away into the OR room. I yelled out “keep the streak going in our snap story if I don’t make it!” hahaha dramatic eh? OR rooms are creepy. I think of SAW- WHO DOESN’T? But again, all I remember was counting down the numbers and boom I was out. The surgery was around 1-1.5 hours.
I woke up a few hours later, feeling a little woozy but overall good. The surgeon said things went well . I wasn’t impressed with the nurse I had post-op as she wasn’t very gentle with my eye- so I let me friend take over. Once I was cleared to leave, we left the hospital- and in true Brittany spirit I wanted a chocolate milkshake and chicken fingers. I was SO hungry when I woke up. So we went to DQ and headed home. The first night wasn’t terrible. My eye was shut. I didn’t really open it but when I did for a minute, it was red AF. See photo below. The after care is pretty easy. Eye drops 4x a day and then I had this eye glue to seal the eye shut at night time (it was actually really nice and cooling.)
Though I was very tired and exhausted, I tried to keep in good spirits, just waiting to see what I would see when I opened my eye. I didn’t really open it because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would I have double vision? That was one of the risks- you could have double vision after the surgery. That terrified me. I only would open my eye to put the drops in and then depended on my good eye- good ole lefty- to do things.
I think it was the third or fourth day where I opened my eye as I was instructed too. The surgeon told me I needed to start using it. When I did, I started to look around, it was different. I could tell my eye muscles were cut and shortened because I couldn’t veer my eye all the way to the one side and it was almost like everything was shaky as it was adjusting. My eyes had to re-learn to work together and this was the test. But as I kept using my eyes, I noticed that I could see far away with my head straight (not titled back) and I had NO DOUBLE VISION. I was SO happy, I started to cry. I remember how blessed and grateful I felt. I was just hoping this would stay the same. My friend reminded me over and over that I am “surgically changed” meaning that my eye is different and it’s going to work differently.
My face was swollen and my cheek started to turn red. 
My eye remained extremely red. This was obviously expected. I had sutures on the outside and the inside of the eye, so it was expected that my eye was itchy. Every morning, I used a brand new (legit bought new) face cloth and used very warm water to remove the gunk from the corners and rim of my eye from the eye gel. The first ten days felt strange, I started to use my eye, well both eyes together and I remember walking was different. My eye felt shaky, like it couldn’t really move much. Hard to explain this feeling but it was basically because it was “new.” Each day was better.
I went back to work after 10 days post OP. The first day back wasn’t great. I work a desk job, so keep in mind, looking at two blasting white screens all day. The lights were quite bothersome too. I found myself wearing sunglasses to ease the pain. I ended up seeing the surgeon the next day to see if I could work partial days as my eye was very sore after working a full 8 hour day. I ended up doing partial days for a week and then returned back to regular days. If I can offer advice on a desk job post op, partial days are a nicer transition back into the work place.
Driving was different. Mostly because my eye felt tight to move it all the way right. Moving my eyes right to left was strange, but I practiced it so then it would become better and better each day and sure enough it did. Watching 3D movies is completely different for me. I can see the actual 3D. Before I struggled. Watching tv is different for me, driving on the high way, looking far ahead, looking from close to far without moving my head is different. So much has changed.
I had a final check up with Dr. Rubab a month later I believe, she had me do a few tests, and see if a second surgery was warranted. The good news- no second surgery. I had fallen within the 70%. I was ecstatic to hear that. Granted, she still wanted to see me a year later to confirm – which I agree with it. The surgeon gave me the clearance to wear make up again, go to the gym, and continue on with my regular activities.
I still had redness in my eyes for many months afterwards. You could definitely tell in the corners of my eyes and I finally came to term with it. I figured if this was the only issue I had left, I was going to be okay with this as my sight it what mattered most. However, to this day, I don’t have that redness or purply redness anymore.
In conclusion, haha just kidding, but it feels like I’m wrapping up my 11 page paper I have to submit for class next week. Anyways, moving on. My life completely changed from this surgery. This sounds a bit dramatic but I never really told people how much my eyes bothered me and I didn’t realize until it was quite a bit later. My quality of life wasn’t the best. I couldn’t drive long distance, my neck and back were always sore, I had to take mental health days once a month so I could get my eyes away from a computer, I couldn’t see in 3D, I found my eyes turn in when I was tired watching tv or movies, sometimes even the movie theatre I just couldn’t keep them tracking together, I couldn’t take a photo without blinking, I couldn’t see in the distance without shutting one eye or going cross eyed, I couldn’t see a musical or concert without closing one eye for the entire duration, I depended on closing one eye for many things. I didn’t just struggle physically but it took a toll on me mentally and emotionally. I was always worried people could see my eye turn it, ask me why, or just simply feel judged. It was a major insecurity I had to deal with and I think I tried to deal with subconsciously more than I knew.
I am truly blessed that this surgery outcome gave me a better life. Vision is everything to me. You only get one set of eyes. I am forever grateful for Dr. Rubab and her team. I had to trust the process. I am grateful for all my family and friends who supported me throughout this journey as it wasn’t an easy one. I had friends help me meal prep the night before my surgery, cutting my veggies up, having access to meals and snacks while at home by myself. I am grateful to have an employer that allowed me to utilize sick time to help financially. I appreciated the visits from everyone as it does get boring and lonely when all you do is lounge around the house (kind of like now, during this pandemic.)
OH! Almost forgot the best part. I had to return all of my VT supplies after my surgery. I decided to proceed with the testing that day and see how my results changed from when I was first tested. I will post the results below. My eye PASSED all of the tests and you can see how POORLY I did on the first day of my initial assessment, not to mention I couldn’t even do some of the testing because my eye simply couldn’t compared to how I did after the surgery. I thought this was really cool. It basically proved that the surgery was VERY successful.
If anyone has specific questions related to this surgery, PLEASE reach out to me! I can answer as best I can. I know when I wanted to reach out I didn’t have a lot of resources. I only had one other person who had gone through this similar surgery but our problems were slightly different. I wanted to share this journey not only as a success story for me, but also if I can ever help someone else out who is going through an experience or similar experience, I can be here as a friend or a listener.
Here is to many years of great vision!
